2019 Power Rankings-Bowl Week
Introduction It's Bowl week in the LOC and the schedule has absolutely fucked me this year. I cannot properly articulate the pandemonium that comes with trying to get a TV show ready for a holiday hiatus, but lets just say it doesn't afford one the time needed to properly manage a fantasy league or three. And then there is the travel and the weekend before Xmas scramble. As such, sacrifices need to be made in order to keep my streak alive of consecutive weeks posting the power rankings. We are going to quite literally power through this. We're abbreviating everything. One-two sentence recaps. Let's go. The Saints Rule The Saints rule has PASSED by a vote of 6-1 with three abstaining. This will begin with the 2020 regular seaon and implimented in the 2021 draft. The 2020 draft will not be affected, although I don't recall anyone trading picks this season but I COULD be wrong because I'm a fucking mess. Festival Semifinals Recap (1) Duck Punchers vs. (5) Paddock 9 Duck with one of the biggest choke jobs by a bye team since GBM every year for the last four years, Duck has the league's worst semifinals performance of the season after resting players during the quarterfinals (which seasoned historians of the LOC will know angers the Fantasy Gods) and Paddock 9 doesn't do much better, but AJ Brown's 35.60 is enough to power them to the Glory Bowl. (2) Pain Train vs. (3) The Shotti Bunch Fantastic showdown here with two high powered offenses going off and it came down to Monday Night Football with PT trying to hold a lead and Drew Brees busting Mannin'g TD record, but then playing SO well that he stopped trying in the second half with a giant lead. Shotti almost had a performance for the ages but he came up just short. Seasons with at least one post-season victory Seasons with At Least One Postseason Victory (Playoffs/Consolation Games Combined) Updated Through 2019 semis 2019 Cinco De Lose-O Butt goes berzerk and really should be winning the Glory Bowl but fuck it fantasy isn't fair. Jared, meanwhile, continues to have no business in the Festival of Champions and should be relegated to the consolation tournament for a decade after the showing he put on the last two weeks and may God have mercy on his soul. The Cinco De Lose-O (2011-Present) Cinco De Lose-O Appearances by Team Updated Festival of Champions Record Updated through 12/20/19. The Glory Bowl Once called the stupidest rivalry in sports, the trash talk has certainly lived up to that hype. If one of them has spelled a single word right this week in the thread, I've missed it. But the rivalry is certainly there and has provided some grade A entertainment for the rest of us as we have Pain Train and Paddock 9 going head-to-head for Glory Bowl IX. Paddock is limping to the finish line, unfortunately for him, but Pain Train is getting cocky so it's a real battle to see who the Fantasy Gods will want to strike down here. Either way, we will have a sixth unique champion in nine seasons, including an original 7 team that has been in the league since 2011 with zero titles. The loser will have to wait another year. Glory Bowl Championship (2011-Present) *Currently named Papa's Posse **Currently named Duck Punchers ^Currently named Garoppoblow Me ^^Currently named Pain Train Consecutive Winners One franchise has won consecutive Glory Bowls *The Shotti Bunch (Glory Bowls V, VI, and VII) Glory Bowl Appearances by Team Glory Bowl Margins of Victory The Salty Dolphin Bowl We got a salty one here folks as two teams who account for over 50% of the trophies in the league face off after close but disappointing finishes in the semifinals. Duck is off to a horrendous start after Watson and Hopkins were somehow shut down by the Bucs defense. The Salty Dolphin Bowl (2011-Present) *Currently named RIPDab **Currently named Duck Punchers Consecutive Winners One franchise has won consecutive Salty Dolphins. *RIPDab (2015 Salty Dolphin Bowl and 2016 Salty Dolphin BowlI) Salty Dolphin Bowl Appearances by Team The Heart and Soul Bowl Husband and wife face off to determine who will hold the power at the top of the 2020 LOC draft. It's Sweet Dee vs. RIPDab after they each took down a DiGennaro Boy in the consolation semis. The Heart and Soul Bowl (2011-Present) *Currently named PainTrain WOO WOO **Currently named Tickle Me Ocho ^ Currently named Paddock 9 ^^ Currently named Sweet Dee ~ Currently named Garoppoblow Me Heart and Soul Bowl Appearances by Team Draft Order Selections by Year The Million Dollar Game Two extremely bitter DiGennaros face off in a rematch of the 2013 Million Dollar Game (yay?). The Million Dollar Game (2011-Present) *All Current Team Names Used Million Dollar Game Appearances by Team Conclusion Next week I am off work and will be making the largest writeup the world has ever seen. Until then, this will have to do. Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah Jared.